Thoughts on Love:
My husband nor I claim to be experts… In fact, like learning about one’s Self, The World, and God My husband and I continue to learn more and more about our relationship each day; but these are some things we live by:
– THE TRINITY: “I believe you have to have the viewpoint of love just as if it is a trinity… Both people must be fulfilled mentally, spiritually and physically. Therefore, if one aspect of the trinity is off or missing completely in the relationship, your happiness will falter.”
– HOUSTON THERE’S A PROBLEM: “If there is a secret, then there is also guilt which turns into an argument… Crimes against the relationship, no matter how big or small, whether it’s cheating on a spouse or spending money that’s not agreed upon in the budget; it will always disrupt the marriage.”
– FILL YOUR SEAT: Always have each other’s backs! My husband is the leader of our household. I have absolutely no problem with that. Just as my husband, as the leader, knows my strengths and what I contribute to our unit. He has perceptive enough to agree to me leading when it’ s beneficial for our family. For example, while filming “The Seat Filler,” a film I wrote along with Duane who produced and starred in it, our son was diagnosed with autism. I told my husband, “Baby I got you. Let me take the reigns on this and I will do my absolute best for our son. The only thing I need from you is, when I get weak or my faith wavers… Just tell me everything’s gonna’ be okay.” That is what makes a good team. I stand behind him, sometimes I stand beside him and if incited and it’s deemed necessary I will stand in front of him.
– ABOUT THE HOUSEHOLD: Run your household as a business! Money, as it pertains to your union, should be talked about and a financial plan should be established with expectations from both people. It’s one of the major reasons why couples argue. We used to live with my aunt and uncle, after my parents were separated, and I dreaded the first of the month because I had to watch them get into physical altercations over bills. With my husbands help, I learned that one has to get on the same page as the other. Here are some ideas…
a) Understand what’s coming in and going out. (income/expenses)
b)Create a budget
c)Find a way to cut expenses
d)Set limitations… (ie. one credit card for whole family or one gas card). You can establish a grocery budget for the week and you can go on-line and set up a grocery store delivery which has a fee of $6 – $9 (same in gas money if you drove to the store) and it also avoids buying unneccessay items when you walk down the isles.
– WHAT MEN SOMETIMES NEED: “Tired LADIES? Don’t feel like having sex? I understand, but one word of advice… WAKE YO ASS UP!!! When we women are fulfilled spiritually and emotionally, it’s easy for some of us to forget that men are physical beings…”
– WHAT WOMEN SOMETIMES NEED: “FELLAS… Sometimes we don’t want you to fix it… Sometimes we just want you to tell us EVERYTHING is going to be okay!”.
– LAUGH: Laugh!!! “Don’t forget to laugh at his jokes… They’re probably still funny.”
– JOKES: When you DO make jokes, never make fun of or use your spouse as humorous material. We learned that from Jada years ago. She said that it will always come back up in an arguement later even if it was funny at the time. She was right. Additionally, outside of one’s household there may be people that may be against you, they might attack your relationship and make up stories even if they know absolutely nothing about you. My sons aren’t even allowed to tease or “crack on” each other. I tell them that we have enough people (gossip magazines. blogs, etc.) trying to attack us. We will NOT do it to each other.
– PICK YOUR BATTLES: Pick your battles! Enough said on that…
– GOD/ME/WE/US: As it pertains to the love of our family as a unit, we have rules we live by… After GOD, is ME (the individual), then WE (the couple), then US (which includes the kids)… My husband sat me down after we decided to have kids and laid down the rules which was hard for me to fathom… I said, ‘Me before you guys? Put the kid’s last?!’ He confirmed, ‘Absolutely! If your well is dry, how do you expect to give to us? You HAVE to love and take care of YOU first! Then we have to remember to invest in US as a couple ‘cuz when they’re eighteen, who you gonna be stuck with? Then, TOGETHER we will raise the kids.’ GOD, ME, WE, US!” It is the most important rule we live by.
xoxoxo Tisha Campbell-Martin
QUOTES ON LIFE:
These are some of my favorite quotes…
– Life Quote: “He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing.” – Muhammad Ali
– Shoulda’, Coulda’, Woulda’ Quotes: “I try to surround myself around like minded people. You heard the old saying, ‘You are what you are around!’ I should’ve stopped effin’ with a bunch of people in the nineties.” – Tisha Campbell-Martin
– Inspirational Quote: “I don’t think of myself as a poor, deprived, ghetto-girl who made good. I think of myself as someone who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself, and I had to make good.” Oprah Winfrey
– About Your Past Quote: “It is absolutely necessary for you to reflect upon the roads you’ve traveled, just like we did when we studied history in school, but your testimony is not there for you or anyone else to judge.” Tisha Campbell-Martin
– Ladies Quote: “My husband said if I had the same self-confidence when I gained weight as when I was smaller, he wouldn’t even notice I was bigger. Freedom is self-confidence, and self-confidence is SEXY!” Tisha Campbell-Martin
– Life Lesson Quote: “Life is a rollercoaster. Just knowing that will help you anticipate the plunge. You may go through trials and tribulations but experiencing the experience is true bravery at its finest.” Tisha Campbell-Martin